Autism Expert.

What makes an autism expert? It`s a phrase we hear a lot, but it`s mostly in connection with a non- autistic professional who has earned a degree in autism, and is now regarded as a world expert on the subject. One counter to this often brought up by autistic people is that we are the true experts. We have been autistic our whole lives, and we have had to spend a huge amount of time thinking about it: what positives it brings, and how to deal with the negatives.

For me when it comes to autism I think expert is the wrong word, or rather it takes on a different meaning when applied to autism. I am autistic. I have written books on autism, talked about autism to roomfuls of people, and spent well over a decade reading and learning about autism, and yet I still find out new things every day. If I spend long enough on Twitter each day I will come across a tweet or a blog by a fellow autistic that will teach me something new, or put in to words something I felt, but did not understand.

I know a lot about autism but I am still learning every day, and I hope to always be learning. You could call me an expert in the sense that I could talk to a room full of people on the subject, and I write books about autism. But you could also call most of the autistic people I follow on Twitter experts. It`s not that I don’t read books or blogs by non-autistic people, I do, and some of them are well worth reading, but in terms of learning something new about myself, that only comes from reading other autistic people.

I should be clear here, I am not trying to shut non-autistic people out. What I am saying is this; you won`t become an autism expert by reading one or two books by non-autistic professionals. In order to truly know and understand autism you must read widely, but you must focus on Autistic writers, and try to read them every day. Even if it`s only a small amount, all those voices added together will give you a much better understanding of autism than any one book or course will. We all lead different lives, and therefore different experiences prompt us to write, and we all gain understanding about ourselves gradually over the course of our lives. Sometimes, despite feeling like I know myself quite well and have a good understanding of what it means to be autistic; how and why I do the things I do and feel the things I feel, I will sit down and read a blog that makes me realize something about myself. Having that feeling of nodding along and going “Yes that’s me, I never realized that before, but yes that is me.” is much more common than you might think. Not only do I learn something about myself, or find a way to put in to words something I have always felt but never understood, but I learn something about autism in general.

Also, without wanting to sound arrogant, I know my own writing can have that same impact on other autistic people. That’s not a guess, I know because they have told me. It`s a nice feeling to know that something I have written has helped someone understand something about themselves better, or put in to words something they have been thinking but have never said. I know what it`s like to be on both sides of that.

The point that I am making here is yes, I know quite a bit about autism and that is drawn from my own life, from spending a lot of time thinking and talking about how I feel, and why, but also from reading the work of other autistic people on an almost daily basis for years. It`s fine to call people Autism Experts, but the key for me is, do they think they are done learning? If so they never really understood autism in the first place. And if they are non-autistic do they understand that we are not lab specimens to be studied, rather we are flesh and blood people who, like other marginalized groups, are doing our best to tell our own stories, and educate the rest of the world on who we are.

Any true autism expert would know that how ever much they think they understand, and how ever much they have already learned, there is always much, much more to know and understand.

You can find my new book here: http://www.jkp.com/uk/communicating-better-with-people-on-the-autism-spectrum-34251.html

If you need any help or advice abut Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

Advertisements

Wasted years: Autism and Depression

I have not blogged much over the last few years, and most of my posts in the past year have been along the lines of “Here is why I have not been writing”. In those posts I have talked about my plans to write more and projects I wished to work on, and yet as you can tell by looking at the recent posts on this blog, that has not happened. Why is that? There are a few reasons. As I have written about these issues before I debated whether I should write about them again, but I believe it’s still worth talking about due to those blogs having been written sometime ago, and things having moved on from where I was at that time.

Around four years ago – not long before my first book was published – my family went through some personal issues: bereavement, illness etc. I had struggled with depression for a while before this, and always had the issues that come with autism to deal with, for example sensory overload and anxiety. But after this point my depression became worse and worse until it reached a point where it was hard to even get a shower or watch a film. I believe I also went though an autistic crash around this time (for those of you who do not know an autistic crash is when you become so overloaded from having to do the things you need to do to get through each day, e.g. mask, deal with sensory overload, that you crash. You just stop being able to do those things.) What I mean by this is that I stopped being able to cope with the overload and anxiety. Once I was overloaded I could not do anything to bring myself out of it. Between 2015 and 2019 there were periods of weeks on end where I could not go out, write, read, or even pick something to watch. Days when I would do nothing at all, just pace around the house getting more and more stressed due to how bad I felt, and my inability to do anything about it until the stress would erupt in an outburst. I stopped working out and began to eat more. I began to see the impact of that; not only did I put on weight, I lost a lot of my strength, my skin got worse and I began to feel more and more ill day to day. Part of how bad I was feeling physically was also down to how little I was getting out. I hardly left the house at all. Everything I used to do: uni, volunteering part time in a shop, or going to the cinema fell by the wayside. Sometimes weeks would go by without me leaving the house. I hardly even went in my garden for four years. This took its toll on my physical health in the form of constant colds, headaches, and general feeling of sickness and lethargy. I found myself at times feeling as if I was under house arrest; unable to go out, and unable to take my mind off things by doing anything within the house. What made this all the more frustrating was knowing it was not something anyone was doing to me, it was something within my own mind that was putting me in the situation I was in. The days seemed to drag on; when you’re home all day, every day with no work to do it’s hard to fill the time even if you’re still capable of feeling enthusiastic for the things you normally enjoy. If not the time seems to stretch on forever with no end in sight. You would think that I would have been sleeping a lot, but in fact that was not the case. For about three years I hardly once got to bed before two in the morning. Not that I was doing much at night, but by that time of day I had got so much in to the swing of trying to pass the time that I just kind of carried on doing it without thinking “You could go to bed now”. Needless to say this did not help matters. I got bags under my eyes, could not stop yawning, and found it hard to focus on films/books even when I was able to try watching or reading them. Plus I was almost constantly grumpy, as you would be if you had been getting to bed at that time for months on end.

I say “was” not because I am fine now, but because this year so far has been better than the ones that came before. It’s not been perfect, not by a long shot, but it’s been better. I have still got to bed late more often than I would like, but I have also got to bed early on more nights in the past two and a half months than I have in all of 2017/18. I am on track to read more books and watch more films than I have in any of the past three years. For the past few weeks I have been going for a small walk twice a day; it’s not a lot, but it’s me out in the fresh air, and helps to stop my mood slipping back down to where it was. I have not been on a strict diet, but I have been eating much less unhealthy food than I was last year, or the year before. In short things are not where they need to be yet, but they are better than they have been in a long time.

So what now? Well it might be a cliché but its one step at a time. I have learnt now that you can’t always change things over night. Things take time, and even though you want everything fixed right away and one slip up can feel like all your hard work was for nothing, that’s not how the real world works. Things take time. They change slowly, but they do change. The first three months of this year have not been perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I can safely say they have been better, more productive, and more healthy than any three months out of 2016/17/ or 18.

That’s a positive way to look at things and what’s more it’s the right way, but it’s not always easy to keep that outlook. Sometimes I will start to think about the years I have wasted, being in the house, the weeks, months and years of doing nothing, and begin to feel low all over again. I think of all I could have read, learned or written in that time. Could I have had another book or two published? If I had been working-out that whole time what kind of shape would I be in? What could I have done with this blog in that time? Could I have sold more books, or done more talks?The answer to all those questions is yes, of course I would have done a lot more. When I start to dwell on that it can make me feel as if I have not just wasted a few years, but wasted my life; as if somehow the time to do those things has been and gone. When I begin to feel like that I have to remind myself I have only just turned 24. You never know how long you have left of course, we could all die at anytime, but you can’t account for that. In theory I could have another sixty years of life left. That’s a long time, a lot longer than the four years I have wasted. I can’t say, and nor would I want to, that I am going to throw myself in to my work, write three books by the end of the year, get in to film-making, and never waste another second of my life. That won’t happen. But what I can say is that for the first time in quite a few years things are starting to slowly get better rather than stagnating, or actively getting worse. Yes I might not have done much for the last four years, but I have still read some great novels, watched some classic films, found new music to love, and learnt a lot more about depression and autism. While I might still feel sad about the time I have wasted it’s important to keep in mind that even in another four years I will have only just turned 28. I can honestly say that I do not think the next four years will be anything like the last four. The mere fact that I got the urge to write this blog, wrote it in one go, and put it out there is a sign of that!

You can find my new book here: http://www.jkp.com/uk/communicating-better-with-people-on-the-autism-spectrum-34251.html

If you need any help or advice abut Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

Politics: if you don’t care now, when will you?

The more I watch the news or see people talking about politics on Twitter the more frustrated I feel. That’s not just a reaction to Brexit, Trump etc., it’s down to the reporting, or the tone of the conversation itself. I am sure if you are from the UK you are more than aware of the actions of our government over the past eight years: austerity, cuts, changes to the benefits system, sanctions for the sick and disabled and cuts to social care. There have been studies done linking the government’s actions to tens of thousands more deaths than would be expected over any other eight year period.

https://fullfact.org/health/austerity-120000-unnecessary-deaths/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIq72awYrg3gIVGYbVCh05WgumEAAYASAAEgJHifD_BwE

And you don’t have to look far online to find stories talking about the rise in crime, and the cuts in police funding, the changes to benefits that lead to disabled people not being able to leave their homes or afford food, the rise in food banks, and the fact that more working people are having to use food banks due to delays in getting their benefits of up to 12 weeks after being put on universal credit.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/food-bank-uk-benefits-trussell-trust-cost-of-living-highest-rate-a8317001.html

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/nov/06/universal-credit-surge-in-food-bank-use-trussell-trust

Over the past two years we have seen the UN issue a report that strongly condemns the UK governments treatment of disabled people this has lead to people saying the UK is going backwards in its treatment of disabled people.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/un-disabled-rights-uk-government-denounced-criticised-united-nations-austerity-policies-a7923006.html

There have also been reports of a humanitarian crisis in the NHS with patients being left for hours, and sometimes days on corridors without treatment.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/jan/06/nhs-faces-humanitarian-crisis-rising-demand-british-red-cross

Just last week UN Special Rapporteur Philip Alston reported on the scale of poverty in the UK, being very clear a large part of the poverty he was seeing is a result of the governments cruel and unnecessary policies, and that if they wished to they could end those policies overnight, and improve the lives of millions.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-46236642

In short it’s pretty clear to anyone looking in from the outside, or anyone living here who wants to see it, that in the past eight years the Tories have brought in a raft of totally unnecessary polices and cuts that have brought misery, and in some cases even death, to the sick, the elderly, the disabled and the poor. We have seen the impact of cuts across the country: domestic abuse centres have closed down leaving abused women and their children with nowhere to go, the sharp rise in food banks and the use of those food banks by people in work, cuts in mental health care that leave those in need with little or no help, cuts to benefits that leave disabled people unable to leave their homes or afford the help that they need to live a decent and dignified life.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/may/30/disabled-readers-austerity-disability-cuts

There are benefit cuts linked to suicides, and a rise in mental health issues among claimants.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/nov/15/exclusive-new-study-links-universal-credit-to-increased-suicide-risk

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/universal-credit-benefit-mum-suicide-14544736 )

Cuts to the NHS, increasing privatisation, a hostile environment for disabled people and immigrants, the Windrush scandal, the list goes on and on.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-43726976

And the steep increase in homelessness since 2010.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/oct/27/universal-credit-fuels-homeless-crisis )

Every day you can see the misery this government is inflicting on its people, and you can see the lack of care, and the targeting of the most vulnerable. People who lived through the Thatcher years of the 1980s say that this is worse, and that it’s getting worse year on year. And yet even though you can see this with your own eyes it’s not always the sense you get when seeing people talk online, or watching the news. It’s not that they never speak about these things on the BBC, but there is no thread. There might be a piece one week that runs for a day about the increase in homelessness, where they will let experts say that government cuts and changes to benefits are driving the numbers up, and the next week there might be an segment on care homes that are having to close down due to lack of funding, but these things hardly ever run for more than a day, and never feel like a part of the same story. There is always someone from the government there to brush them off, and they are never linked. But in fact they are clearly part of the same story; if you are talking about cuts to policing then how can you not also link that to a story about cuts to mental health services by the same government? They clearly connect and are part of a bigger, overall story. Yet every crisis is reported on its own, as if they are all unconnected and just happen to be going on at the same time. The government is never challenged on them all at once, instead they are asked about each one on its own. The debate is broken up in to multiple debates, so the question will be asked “Can we really blame the government for X? or Y? or Z?” And not “Why has X,Y,Z and a dozen other things happened under the same government, at the same time?” This takes away from the real issue – the fact that this government has systematically made the lives of the sick, the poor, and the disabled worse with every new policy.

There is also the fact that whenever you see, or read a report on one of the issues mentioned above the government is given a chance to reply within the story. Now that’s not what I take issue with – my issue is the fact that the reply is always tacked on to the end of the story. Instead it should be looked at, checked against the facts, and talked about within the story. Let’s think about something else for a moment, say the anti-vax movement. We all know vaccines don’t cause autism, that’s just a fact. So if you run a story about that you don’t need to go and find someone who rants on Facebook about vaccines leading to autism, and give them a platform. You can find what they say and break down why it’s wrong, but you don’t need to make them sound legitimate. But if a story runs about how universal credit can lead to people having to use food banks, and you talk to people who say “I am using a food bank due to being put on universal credit.” and you talk to people who run food banks who show you the logs they have of all the people who have come to them after being put on universal credit, then just having someone from the government comment something along the lines of “That’s not true in fact we help….” is not very useful. It makes it look as if just saying “Nope” in the face of facts is a legitimate way of arguing a point. The government can say no if they want, but the point should be made that the facts are there, and they are just acting as if they are not instead of addressing the issue. Facts have to mean something. It’s fine to get the governments response to stories, but if they flat-out lie, try and tell you facts are not facts, or twist things up in a way that can be shown and proved, then it’s your duty as a journalist to show that, not just print what they say and leave it up to the public.

But talking of the public they also have a roll to play in this. Often I hear people saying things like “Things are bad, but you cant blame the government.” or “All politicians are the same.” To say things like this is both to turn your back on facts, and to absolve yourself of any responsibility. If it’s not the governments fault, and if every party is the same why do you need to vote? Why do you need to keep up to date with what’s going on? Why do you need to care if you can have no impact? Being cynical is an easy way out. To care is hard, to want to change things is hard, and to put your trust in a political party is hard. But here’s the thing, not all parties and all politicians are the same – if you ever hear anyone say that you know for a fact they don’t have a clue what they are talking about.

But even those who do have some understanding of politics and do care can frustrate me. The bottom line here is that the government we have is genuinely awful, the country is suffering, you can see the spread of misery and poverty. When I see people on Twitter saying things like “I hate the Conservatives, but I don’t think I can vote for Labour if they do/don’t do…” I just don’t know what to say. I am not someone who thinks the Labour party in any form is perfect. I can recall how angry I was over the Iraq war as a child, and there have been plenty of times I have disliked something Jeremy Corbyn has done, but at no point have I felt Labour under Corbyn would be anything you could even compare to the Tory government.

In politics in the UK you realistically get two options, then unless something dramatic happens you have to wait fives years to be given a chance to change the government you end up with. You don’t get the time to wait for the perfect party, the party that ticks all your boxes and leaves you with zero worries. No one ever gets that, you are not special so you don’t get it either.

If you can see the government we have now, see what the options are and say “Well yes this government is doing all that awful stuff, and a Labour government would not be anywhere near as bad but still….” then I think you have to take a good look at yourself. Voting is not about making yourself feel good, it’s about doing something for the good of the country as a whole. You might not love who you are voting for, but if you know they will do less harm to people than the party in power right now that’s all that should count. Right now the main focus has to be on getting the Conservatives out of power, and Labour is our best option for that. I like Corbyn, but while you might not you still have to admit that he would not proactively target the weakest and most vulnerable in society like the Tories have been doing. I have no problem with people taking issue with things Corbyn and Labour do, now or if they ever get in to power, as I say I do this myself. But what I do have an issue with is people acting as if they can in anyway be compared to the brutal, and targeted cruelty of a Tory government. Politics is not about perfection, it’s about doing the best you can for those who need it the most. This goes for politicians, but also the public; think about all the pain that comes with a Tory government, and then think about if your issue with Labour is really that big.

Over all what I am trying to say is that we need to be honest with ourselves about how things are. When you see things on the news or read about them on Twitter try and think, why are they happening? Who has the power to stop them? And what’s the common thread? The rise in food banks, homelessness, child poverty, cuts to the NHS, a crisis in mental health and social care services, cuts to the policing budget, benefit cuts resulting in suicides, ill health and homelessness, the demonization of the disabled and immigrants, schools unable to afford basic equipment, cuts to SEND services and a myriad of other cruel policies. These things might be reported out of context, as if one day they just happened and no one can tell why, but that’s not true. The truth is that they are all results of deliberate acts by the Conservative party. We live in an age that will be looked back on with sadness, and incomprehension by those lucky enough to have been born too late to live through it, in years to come. They will feel anger and sadness looking back the same way people my age look back on the Thatcher years. The truth is if you’re not angry now, if you’re not passionate now, then you never will be. If now is not the time you stand up, look at what is happening and say No, say I am better than this, I am more humane than this, then you will never do so. What is happening now is not accidental, it’s not unavoidable, and it’s not right. If you do not speak up, and speak out now then when will you?

You can find my new book here: http://www.jkp.com/uk/communicating-better-with-people-on-the-autism-spectrum-34251.html

If you need any help or advice abut Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

Beneath the Mask lies …. who?

In November 2014, when I was forty eight years old, I was diagnosed with autism. Since then I have been trying to write something about being diagnosed so late on in life, but I seem to have a complete block these days when it comes to writing, even though writing is something I have done all my life. My adult autistic son keeps asking me to write something for his blog, and I have tried so many times, but I just seem to blurb out a load of nonsense and not have the energy to edit or try to make it make sense in any way, and so there is never anything for the blog from me.
I have not had time to process what an autism diagnosis means for me – if it is a good or a bad thing – and do I feel better or worse for having this diagnosis? I thought it would it be a good thing, and give some meaning, some explanation for my past, and that I could use it to move forward in my life, armed with the knowledge that I am not broken, or a failure, or that life is wasted on me as I have always thought, but that I am autistic, and that is who I am, what I am, what I have always been, and that I finally know and understand who and what I am. That I could claim autism, being autistic, as my identity.
But nothing could be further from the truth.
In all honesty the one thing that has become clear to me since being diagnosed as autistic is that I have no idea who I am, what I am, or where, or even if I fit in to the world.
Every day it is becoming clearer and clearer to me that I have masked and faked my way through my life, and that no one really knows me, and I don`t even know myself. I feel as though I don`t exist outside of what I do for other people.
This is not to say that I have not had genuine feelings for people, that I didn`t care about them or love them, and the things I have done for them didn`t mean anything to me. That`s not what I am trying to say.
I`ll try to explain, but I am not sure I can.
It`s like from a really young age, probably four or five, I just didn`t know what to do, how to be. It`s like I read the hand-book on how to be a good daughter, sister, friend, partner, Mum, human-being, and I followed it to the letter with no veering from it, no time to think about myself or my own needs. I think I have always been, or tried my damndest to be, exactly what my parents needed me to be, exactly what my siblings needed me to be, exactly what my ex-partner needed me to be, and the perfect Mum. I have always given a hundred percent to every person in my life, every job, every action, with no room for error, no room for mistakes, no room for me.
It is like putting make-up on each day before you can face the world, afraid to let the world see you, who you really are, what you really look like, because you don`t really know who you are, but you know that you can never measure up to other people. And to be honest you don`t know what the fuck you should be doing, or how you should be doing it, so you watch, you observe, you learn, you copy and you do, just to fit in. But you can`t copy and do everything your peers do, at whatever age and period in your life you happen to be, because you can`t get it wrong. Mistakes are not ok. You have to be the perfect daughter. You can never put your own needs, or feelings, or wants above what your parents need from you. And you have to be the perfect sister. You can`t be selfish or think of your own needs, and no matter how overwhelming or exhausting or damaging it is, you have to do what your siblings need you to do. And friends? Well you have to be there for them constantly don`t you? You have to follow their ideas, do what they want to do, put off what is important to you and ignore your own wants and needs and prioritise theirs don`t you? And in a relationship? Well you can`t argue or shout or hurt someone`s feelings. You have to absorb all the shit, but never dish any out. And being a Mum? There`s no room for mistakes, you have to be completely selfless and give everything you have got, and never, ever put your own needs above those of your child. And society at large? Well you always have to be polite, and kind, and caring and put yourself out, even for complete strangers. And when people: family, friends, partners, work colleagues, people in general treat you like dirt, well you just have to take it and never, ever retaliate because the idea or hurting someone`s feelings – even if they hurt yours on a daily basis – is just unbearable. And they are the un-written rules of the metaphorical `hand-book` on how to be a good human-being, except, they are not. They are the rules I imposed on myself because I didn`t know how to be me, how to look after me, as well as being a good daughter, sister etc. I didn`t know how to be a real person, what I was supposed to do, so I subconsciously developed a persona of trying to be the perfect everything to everyone, to make sure everyone else`s needs are met. I still do it. I don`t know how to not do it.
Am I making any sense? I guess what I am trying to say is that because I was so confused and bewildered by life, all my life, I kind of learned how to be the perfect daughter, sister, friend, partner, Mum, employee, student, citizen, always trying to do the right thing by everyone else, that I never really learned anything about who I am? And somehow I have reached the age of 52 feeling as bewildered and confused by life as I did when I was five. And somehow I have blundered through to reach this age without ever really doing anything I have wanted to do (or I`ve had short bursts of trying but never really succeeded with anything) and I have never really known or understood me, who I am, what I want. And I don`t think that anyone else knows me at all, apart from my son. I think my parents knew me pretty well as their testament to how I was as a child went pretty far to me being diagnosed as autistic. I have always been extremely close to my parents, but even with them I had to put on a front a lot of the time when they needed me to help my siblings, and I couldn`t say no. I could never say no to my parents, or `what about me?` I always did exactly what they needed me to do to support my siblings, and I never once complained, or told them how hard it was for me to push myself to do the things they needed me to do.
I know I am not painting a very good picture of myself here, but I just don`t know how else to explain it. I am not the perfect anything, but I have nearly killed myself trying to be.
I keep seeing hashtags about `taking the mask off ` on Twitter, and being your true, authentic, autistic self, but I have many masks, for many different situations, and although I feel they are slowly destroying me, if I take them off what then? How will I go to the shop to ask for something? Make a phone call? Have an electrician or a plumber in the house? Order a taxi? Get my haircut? Interact with my family, neighbours, and society in general? Make sure my son`s needs are met?
Without the masks I can`t function, and if I don`t function I can`t support my son, or even do anything.
I am all for autistic people getting on with being autistic, and not having to go through the stress of trying to fit in to society, not having to `mask`, but if I don`t have my masks then what do I have to present to the world? I can`t present `Me` because I have no idea who that is ….

Jane Donlan

You can find my  sons book here: http://www.jkp.com/uk/communicating-better-with-people-on-the-autism-spectrum-34251.html

If you need any help or advice abut Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

Is this illness or stress?

Autistic people tend to get quite stressed with sensory issues, changes in routine, the need to plan, anxiety build-up, and social communication all playing a part. Stress can and often will have a physical impact: this might be stomach pains, headaches, sickness and more extreme symptoms. I have found this out myself on more that one occasion. Headaches, feeling sick or having pains in my stomach is far from uncommon, and I know by now that they are all signs of an overload. When I was around five or six, before I was home-educated, I would have awful pains in my stomach and feel as if I were going to throw-up knowing that I would have to go to school the next morning. If anyone had seen me they would have thought I was ill, but this was something I felt every night and every morning before school. It was not an illness, it was stress and anxiety brought on by my hatred of school. In more recent years there have been two times when after a big event, for example, a talk or my book launch I have found myself racked with stomach cramps that have led to me being unable to anything, but lie down and wait for them to pass. These have not come on an hour or two after though; the first lot came the night after my book launch, and the second lot came the morning after my talk. I have not had anything like them at any other time, and despite how bad my stomach can get, this was much worse. The first time this came on after my book launch I knew I was going to be sick; it was around eight when I first started feeling the pain, and I was up till after four in the morning, throwing up four times. The next morning I was fine – they were gone as soon as they’d arrived. The second time I was not sick, but again the pain started when I woke up and I could do nothing but ride it out. By the end of the day I was almost back to normal.

It is my belief that these pains and the sickness were brought on by the build-up of anxiety and stress that led up to each event. Add to that the social pressure and sensory impact of the two events, and you can see why the stress and overload might be so great it has a physical impact on my body.

In fact sometimes it can be all too easy to put something down to stress or anxiety or overload. On Monday night I started to feel pain in my side and stomach again, not as bad as the two times talked about before, but the same kind of pain. I had been to two quite stressful and overwhelming appointments in the week leading up to this after months of not doing much at all, so I put it down to that. I had been trying to get back to normal after a long time of not doing anything and I had been doing well, but now my body was telling me not to push it. So when I woke up the next morning and the pain was still there I cancelled the appointment I had for that day, and decided to rest. In fact the pain lasted most of the week. I am free of it today, but it’s been there to greater or lesser degrees since Monday.

On one hand the fact that I was able to see when things were too much, and take a step back with out pushing myself too far is a good thing. In the past I have not always been able to do this, and although I was in pain this time there was no throwing-up, and the pain was not anywhere near as bad as it has been in the past. But it made me think; as soon as I felt that pain and the feeling of sickness that came with it in the first day or two my mind instantly said “stress and overload”. On the third day I thought about the idea that it might be a strain of some kind, but that would not make sense as I felt it in two places, and as I say it also came with a feeling of sickness. But I do wonder how do you tell normal pain and feelings of sickness from pain and sickness brought on by stress? I knew what I had been doing in the week leading up to getting the pain for the first time so I guess it makes sense that my mind would jump to that. But in doing so I run the risk of ignoring a real physical illness that could get worse the longer it’s left. It’s a hard call to make; you do not want to go running of to the doctors every time you have a bit of pain, and it is often good to let things resolve themselves on their own, but even if leaving something will not cause any harm and it does fix itself, I am still left with the question – am I feeling pain as a result of stress, or is there something else wrong?

The pain induced by stress can come in all forms, and sometimes last for days so at what point do I say there might be something else going on? When you add to that my high pain threshold, and the way I tend to get used to feeling a certain way it’s hard to find that point. When I talk about getting used to feelings what I mean is (and this might apply to other autistic people) I mean that I find myself getting used to feeling a certain way very quickly. This has often led to things going unnoticed for a long time in the past. I have talked in blogs before about the infection I got in my foot at one point. When I first began to feel the pain I brought it up, but then within days I was just used to feeling pain in that toe, to wincing every time it touched my bed covers, or I had to put my shoes on. As strange as it might sound I did not think about the pain in-between those moments; I was aware of it and aware that it had not always been that way, but it was weeks or perhaps even a month after first bringing it up that I thought to tell anyone that it was still causing me a lot of pain. Now of course that was nothing to do with stress, and I did not think for one moment at the time that it was. But you can see how it might lead to issues at some point; a pain starts and I put it down to stress, it stays for a few days but stress pains can do that so I leave it, and it would be easy for me to just adapt and not think too much about it from that point. I do know that this might not make any sense at all to some of you, but perhaps some other autistic people might understand what I am talking about.

I have no idea when I start to feel pain if I have hurt myself some how, if there is something else going on, or if it’s due to stress. So I have a day or two of relaxing to try and de-stress and the pain goes away, but who knows, perhaps that is just coincidence? Anyone could feel stress-related pains from time to time, but when you are autistic they happen – at least in my case – quite a lot, and to make things more complicated they do not always feel the same. Sometimes it’s feeling sick, sometimes it’s headaches, and sometimes it’s feeling dizzy or faint, and much more. In the worst case scenario this could lead to me putting something down to stress that is in fact a symptom of something physical. But even if that never happens it is still very irritating to never know the source of any pain that I might feel, to have to make a guess and hope that it is right.

Does anyone else find this hard? Do you know when something is down to stress, and when it’s physical?

You can find my new book here: http://www.jkp.com/uk/communicating-better-with-people-on-the-autism-spectrum-34251.html

If you need any help or advice abut Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

Why I have always hated getting my hair cut.

I have always hated having my hair cut. I have no memories of ever going to have it cut without having to be talked in to it, and spending the whole time wishing it was over. This is far from uncommon with autistic people, and there are a few good reasons for that. I thought I would talk a little bit about what makes getting my hair cut so hard for me – as always bear in mind these will not apply to ever autistic person, and there might be things you find hard that I have not thought of.

The sensory impact: I have talked a lot on this blog about sensory overload and the impact it can have on me and other autistic people, and I realise more and more as I get older quite how much of an impact it has on me day to day. When you go for a hair cut you have someone touching your head and hair. They might be doing this for ten minutes or forty minutes, but in my case at least it’s much more contact than I would ever normally have with a stranger. I do not like to be touched by strangers, nor do a lot of other autistic people, so having my head pushed and pulled, my hair touched, pulled and so on is much more touch than I am used to.

This is why I never have my hair washed before I have it cut – I do that at home before I go out. There is more than enough touching and moving of my head going on without washing it too!

Having to sit there and let someone mess about with your head and hair can be very stressful, and easily lead to sensory overload. On its own the touching is more than enough to bring on an overload, but that is not the only sensory input that comes with a hair cut. There is background noise and often lots of it: talking, hair-dryers, phones going off, and people coming in and out the whole time. More often than not when you are sat having your hair cut this will be coming at you from three sides at once. So when you think about being sat in a busy, noisy environment with someone touching you, and pulling your head this way and that it’s no wonder that, for me at least, hair cuts lead to overload.

Talking: I have been quite lucky the last few times I have gone to get my hair cut as no-one has tried to talk directly to me too much. But it is not uncommon for a hairdresser or barber to start making small talk. “Where have you been on holiday?” is a classic. I understand why they try this small talk; a lot of people do enjoy it, and it can be seen as friendly and therefore encourage people to come back. Add to that the fact that the person cutting your hair works with the same people every day, and might have been working in the same room doing the same task for hours before you come along – it’s not that I do not understand why they might want a chat it’s just that I hate small talk as the best of times. As I have already said having my hair cut can be an overwhelming experience anyway, so the last thing I want to do in the middle of it is start talking. But as I am sure you all know it’s so hard to get out of small talk without being seen as rude. I have never quite understood this; if I were to say that I did not want to talk that would be seen as rude, but chatting on at someone who is basically a captive audience for twenty minutes about inane nonsense when it is clear they do not want to talk is not viewed as rude? Perhaps it’s just me, but that seems a bit strange. Sadly even if no-one is talking to you there still tends to be a lot of talking going on between other people. A lot of people do see going to get their hair cut as a chance for a good chat so even on days when I do not have to try and make small talk I tend to find that there are others all around me making small talk that I can not help but hear, and which only adds to the sensory overload.

Change: We all know change can be hard for autistic people, and the whole point of a hair cut is to change something about yourself. Even if it’s only getting it trimmed back down to its normal length there is still going to be a change in how you look. It might not be a change that we think about very often, but for most of us it’s one of the few things that we do where we actively change something about ourselves. The worry about this change might not even be something we are aware of feeling. For me I do not worry about what I will look like after my hair cut, but I do have a hard time asking for what I want. I know I want to change something about my hair, but I never know quite how to say it “Like it is now but shorter” is about as good as it gets for me, but they always seem to need to know more. As it’s not something I care about or spend any time thinking about I never know what to say when asked for more detail (I forget between hair cuts what I asked for, or what was done). This can mean that although I am not worried about the idea of a change on the outside, when I am confronted very clearly about what I want to change and how, I often find I have no clue and basically just want to keep my hair as close as I can to the way it was when I went in.

Not being able to fade in to the background: This one is a bit more vague than the rest, and at least two of the other points can be tied in with it. When someone is cutting your hair, working on your head, you can not just fade in to the background, and not be noticed. People will keep touching you, they will keep talking to you, you will be asked what you want, and shown how it looks at the end, and asked to say something about it. However quiet you stay you will still have to deal with all those things. Often when I become overloaded I will just stay quiet and kind of fade out, trying to stay in the background and not worry too much about what is going on. But when the focus of an event, or room is on me I can not do that. Even for something as small as a hair cut that power is taken away leaving me to deal with the full impact of what is going on without the option to bow out of it. When I feel I am at the point where I just want to close my eyes, not talk, and not have anyone talk to me there is still someone standing right behind me pulling at my hair, talking to me, and asking me to pass judgement on the haircut.

So overall as you can tell hair cuts are not fun for me, and as I said at the start I know that this is true for quite a lot of autistic people. I keep my hair longer now, and while that means my hair cuts can take longer they are also a lot less frequent. But even when my hair was short, and a cut did not take long at all I still hated them. I know that I need them, and I am willing to have them (although I do put them off for as long as I can) but that does not mean I have to like them.

How do you feel about hair cuts? Is there anything you dislike about them that I have not put in this blog?

You can find my new book here: http://www.jkp.com/uk/communicating-better-with-people-on-the-autism-spectrum-34251.html

If you need any help or advice abut Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

Autism and the Heatwave: Why I find the hot weather so hard.

As I am sure you are aware the UK has been in experiencing a heat wave for the past few weeks, as has most of Europe and North America. Temperatures have gone in to the early 30s in the UK on some days, and while it has been a bit cooler the last few days the temperature is set to rise again for the coming week. Some people have been enjoying the heat and some have been putting up with it without much complaint, but it has driven home to me just how hard I find the hot weather. At times when the heat is too much I find it hard to do even the most basic of things. Let me explain why the heat impacts me so much.

I talked in a blog a while ago about how a cold for me is worse than pain a lot of the time. A cold brings with it a whole host of sensory issues, and sensory issues more than pain make it hard for me to do things, and lead to overload. The heat is the same; I sweat, my clothes feel uncomfortable on me, my skin is hot and overall my body feels different to how it feels for most of the year. These feeling might not mean much if you are not autistic, but when you do have sensory issues having your whole body react and feel different to the way you are used to can have a big impact. It’s not just that I am overheated and sweaty, it’s that those feelings – the feeling of sweat on my skin, the heat of the sun, and so on – feel wrong. There is no basic state you can go back to when sensory impact becomes too much. On a normal day I might go outside and find things too noisy or overwhelming, and come home. After a few hours of rest on my own, controlling my own sensory input, I would be able to get back to my basic level. There would not be any unwelcome sensory input, and that would help me avoid overload.

But when it’s too hot I find I can not do that. How can I go back to a basic day to day normal level of sensory input when I am sweating just sitting at my desk, when even just doing nothing is causing a high level of sensory input I would not normally have? And it’s not just that: it’s the smell of sun-cream, the constant noise outside (playing, cutting grass) and all the sounds, smells etc. of people trying to make the most of the sun. It might not sound like a lot, but a large part of it is the fact that for nine months of the year there is none of that, and then it is all day, every day, and that sudden change makes it harder even though you know it’s coming. This year it has also been the sheer unrelenting nature of the heatwave.

The more sensory input the more overloaded I become, and the harder it becomes to do anything.

Along similar lines I find it impossible to get comfortable in the heat. I tend to like to wear the same things all year round, but even when I do make concessions to the heat and wear a T-shirt without a top over it I find even that sticks to me. If I want to go outside or I have something I have to go to it’s even worse as I have to put sun-cream on, and there is not much I hate more sensory-wise; the feel, the smell and the way you can feel it on your skin for days. Too hot, too sweaty, clothes too uncomfortable, and extra sensory input from all sides – it’s pretty hard to feel comfy or relaxed. Even taking a shower will not always help. I find that if it is too hot I start to sweat when I get out of the shower, and I always feel the need to be fully dry before I put any of my clothes back on so this can make it quite hard. I feel the benefit later in the day, but when I get out of the shower and start getting dry, and find myself unable to fully dry off due to sweat it can make me feel even worse!

There is also the fact that it becomes harder to stick to a routine. Partly because of the heat and partly because of other peoples reactions to it. I might have a plan for the week only to find that it is far too hot to do something I was planning to do. This might be saying that I will clean the house before lunch only for it to be 30 degrees. I start thinking “Well if I do that cleaning in this heat I am going to need a shower, I don’t have the energy to do all that now”. Little things like this can add up, and make it hard for me to know what to do and when. Things that are not normally hard to do become hard because of how badly I cope in the heat which means it takes longer to build up to them, which can throw my whole plan for the day off course.

Add to that the fact that other people might change the plans, “Do you really want to do that on a nice day like today?” “Would it not be better to do something outside?” As soon as the summer heat comes you will find people wanting to change their plans and routines, which in turn can mess up your plans and routines.

Of course it’s not only autistic people who do not enjoy the heat, and not all autistic people dislike hot weather, but speaking for myself I hate it. I do like the way things look: clear bright blue skies, bees buzzing around, and sunlight shining in through windows, but other than that there is nothing fun or nice about the heat for me. It always knocks me back somewhat, and it takes me a while to readjust to it, and be able to get back some kind of work routine, but this year has been much worse than normal. Partly due to the fact that I have been having a hard time making and sticking to a routine anyway (hence the lack of blogs) and partly due to the fact that it has been so much hotter than normal this year. I was hardly able to do anything for about two weeks with the heat. I have been able to do a lot more over the past week due to working out a new routine that works for me and sticking to it, but for a while there the heatwave pretty much stopped me from functioning. It looks as if summers like this are here to stay though due to climate change, so in the years to come I might have to work out more ways of dealing with the heat.

How does the heat affect you? And if you are autistic and find the heat hard what do you do to help yourself deal with it?

You can find my new book here: http://www.jkp.com/uk/communicating-better-with-people-on-the-autism-spectrum-34251.html

If you need any help or advice abut Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

Why my anxiety levels rise when people come to do work in the house.

Over the past few weeks we have had to have quite a few jobs done around the house. As these are jobs we cant do ourselves this has meant having to have tradespeople around such as joiners,and electricians. You might think that having people in the house and the noise they make when working would be the worst part of this, and for some autistic people it might well be, but for myself – and I am sure for some other autistic people – the worst part by far is waiting for them to come. I don’t just mean waiting for a few hours for them to arrive on the day either. Let me explain what I mean.

In my mind when I make a plan it’s a set thing; if I have to be somewhere I want to know the day and the time I need to be there, and the chances are I will be early. If I can’t make it I will get in touch and give as much notice as I can. You might put that down to my autism and you may well be right, but I also think it’s just basic courtesy. If you are going around to someone’s house you should at least tell them when you plan to arrive! Yet this basic information is almost impossible to prise from most people who do come around; want someone to come around and do a basic job in the house? They will be with you some time early next week. Well what day is that? Monday, Tuesday at the latest? Unless they get busy with something else then it might be Wednesday. OK, and would that be morning or afternoon? Morning, unless they run late then, afternoon.

Ah, OK, cool, just let me put three days aside for a half hour job then. Due to my autism it is almost impossible for me to focus on doing anything if I know I have someone coming to the house. As strange as it might sound to non-autistic people on a day when I have workmen around even though I am doing nothing, and they are doing all the work just having them come around and do the job takes up all my energy for that day. The waiting in, the knowing I will have to have some level of social contact, the not knowing how long the work will go on for, the noise, the disruption of having people in my house and what that does to my routine. Having to set one day aside to deal with this is bad enough, but it must be done in order to get things done around the house. But if this goes on for three or four days as it will if people are not clear on when they are coming, then you can end up wasting half the week being sat round feeling anxious not knowing if someone is coming around or not!

I am not quite sure why people find it so hard to look at a diary and see what day they are free before making plans instead of putting aside big blocks of time where they may or may not come around if they feel like it. It means instead of the anxiety building up over one day, and then being able to get back in to the swing of my routine the next day, you end up having two or three days of build up and if you’re lucky then having someone come to do a job. Which brings me on to the next issue…..

If you commit to being somewhere at a set date and time and you can’t make it you have to get in touch and explain that right? I think we can all – autistic or not – agree on that. But if you just say you might be somewhere that seems to be some kind of get-out clause. If you said you might come around at six and you realise you can’t you don’t have to ring up and tell the people whose anxiety has been building up all day because you only said you might be there. Never mind the fact that they may well have changed plans for you, changed their routine, waited in and are going to be on edge for the evening in case you turn up. It takes a few seconds to send a text saying “Can’t make it, call tomorrow to rearrange.” And yet the amount of times someone has just not turned up without any form of contact is, for me at least, shocking. Again this is not just about the impact on my autism, though that can be huge. Waiting in all day unable to do anything only for the person not to turn up without any contact to let us know of this change of plans does add to my levels of stress and anxiety, but it also means the day ends with me knowing I have to do it all again. Not only do I have to do it all again, but when I do there will be even more anxiety because now who ever it is has a track-record of not turning up. So I will half expect them not to turn up again which just adds a whole new level to things. But as I say it’s not just that. Again it goes back to common place courtesy: make a plan, make it clear and then stick to it. If you can’t then have the decency to let who ever you made the plan with know.

And when I say make a plan I don’t mean text the night before and ask if you can come around and do a job. The answer will always be no. I need notice, not a few hours notice, but a few days notice at least. This should not be too hard to understand or to give. I do understand that for most non-autistic people this would not be as big a deal as it is for me, but still people have work or university; they do things with their lives’s so you would think that a few days notice would be important for most people. Again it comes back to the fact that making a real plan, showing that you will take the time to plan things out, and then stick to them is always better than doing things on the spur of the moment.

It is hard to get someone who is not autistic to fully understand how disruptive and stressful having someone come to the house to do jobs can be. The levels of anxiety and the change in routine make it very hard, but I honestly believe that if it were more clear and well arranged the stress would not be half what it is. If I knew someone was coming at seven on a Wednesday evening then yes it would still be hard to focus that day, yes I might still feel overloaded once they had gone, but at least it would then be over. A plan would have been made, I would have be able to make plans for that day knowing that work was going to be happening, and how that would make me feel and from the next morning I could be back to my routine.

But if I have to put aside two or three days in case someone comes around only for them not to come around, and then I have to go through the same act the next week just to get one small job done I can lose the best part of two weeks just for an hours work. As well as driving my stress levels up this makes it much harder to get the jobs done on the house that need doing. If it takes two weeks of stress to get one job done I want the next few weeks to catch up on work I missed due to the change in my routine, plus the last thing I want to think about is trying to make more plans to get jobs done. This means other jobs that need doing get left because I just can’t put up with another two or three weeks of messing around just to get someone to come round and do them.

I understand that not everyone knows about autism and even if they do they don’t know I am autistic, but again I think what I am saying should be true in most cases. No one wants to wait three days to find out if someone is coming only for them not to turn up, no one wants to be told someone will be there some time between ten and seven, and no one wants someone to cancel or change plans without notice. The difference is for most people it’s a minor irritation, but for myself and other autistic people it can be a massive disruption and cause of stress/anxiety; something that takes an already stressful event and makes it ten times harder than it needs to be. I can do work around dealing with the stress of knowing someone is coming, and I can try and get myself to a point where I can do other things instead of just wait. But it can’t all be me, at some point I need people to meet me half-way, and at least let me know what day it is I will have to prepare myself for!

You can find my new book here: http://www.jkp.com/uk/communicating-better-with-people-on-the-autism-spectrum-34251.html

If you need any help or advice abut Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

There`s no excuse for using bleach as a `cure` for autism.

Once again there are stories in the news about parents making their autistic children drink bleach in a vain attempt to “cure” them of their autism. I don’t think I really have to say why this is so bad, or the harm that it can do. We all know you can’t “cure” autism, and I would hope we all know how bad drinking bleach can be. The so-called cures at best burn your insides and cause immense pain, and at worst put people’s lives at risk. As I say I should not have, in 2018, to be writing up an argument for why giving bleach to children is not a good idea. But it seems to keep coming up. Every few months or weeks there will be a new story about it in the news, or online. Someone else in the UK or USA has worked out they can make some money out of selling a “cure” for autism. So they make up a mythology around it – namely that autism is caused by parasites of the gut, and that drinking the cure will kill the parasites, and therefore cure the autism. Of course there is no truth to any of that.

The people who try and sell this just see a way to make money, and don’t care who they hurt as long as they get paid. There have always been people like this, and there always will be, it’s just a sad fact of life. People who will pray on others fears and exploit them for money, no matter the cost. What worries me more is why the level of fear is so high in the first place?

This is not meant to in anyway excuse the people selling the bleach, but the truth is that people are willing to buy it off them, and feed it to their children. OK they might not know what is in it, but lets take this point by point.

  1. We should all know by now that there is no cure for autism. That is just a fact. We see so- called “cures” all the time, and they range from diet to bleach. But if you have an autistic child you owe it to them, and to yourself to make sure you fully understand what autism is. It is not something that can be cured – this is not a statement about alternative medicine vs real medicine, it’s just a statement that whatever the “cure” it’s a lie. I don’t think it’s too much to hope that parents should understand and grasp this most basic of facts if their child has been diagnosed.

  2. I have seen more than a few comments along the lines of “ This is shocking, you can understand why the parents got so desperate, but it’s still shocking.” My reaction upon seeing comments like that is always the same “No, I can’t understand why someone would want to poison their child.” I am not trying to make out like autism is always a good thing, or that it can’t be hard at times. I could not even begin to count the days of my life that have been ruined by meltdowns, overloads and other autism-related stresses. Autism is never wholly good, it always comes with some bad parts that make life harder, and yes can make the lives of the parents of the autistic child harder too. Add to that the worry a lot of parents have about how the world will treat their child after they are gone, the knowledge of how cruel the world can be to anyone who is different/vulnerable, and the wish to spare their children from that, and we can see why some parents might feel anxious about their child’s autism. But again I say, even knowing all of that, I can not for one second imagine why someone would feel that slowly poisoning their child would help make things any better. I think sometimes there is a desire not to attack parents, and to even sympathise with them to a point, but there has to be a limit to that. I have seen the same kind of comments on stories where parents have killed their autistic children in premeditated and brutal murders “ Well it’s sad, but you can understand what drove them to it”. This has to stop. I don’t care how hard you think your life is, I don’t care how stressed-out you are, killing or hurting your children is beyond the pale in the eyes of any decent society, and it’s about time we stopped using being stressed-out with the child’s autism as a way to bring sympathy back to the perpetrator.

  3. There is still a fear of autism, that much is clear. Despite all the good work autistic people have tried to do over the years to convince others that our lives are worth living, and that we are not something to be feared, it’s clear that old-fashioned attitudes are still worryingly prevalent. To see that fear in people who have never had any contact with autistic people is worrying enough, but to see it in people who’s own children are autistic is the real worry. Have these parents not taken the time to read the books, articles and blogs written by autistic people that debunk pseudoscience, and talk about how autism is not something to be scared of? They must know their children are autistic, but it feels like they would rather talk about made-up cures on secret Facebook groups than face up to facts, and educate themselves. Ignorance, as we know, is a great breeding-ground for fear. Far from being bliss ignorance is like a fog through which we can only glimpse the shape of something we are dimly aware is out there, and of course when half-glimpsed through fog anything will look scary. But wilful ignorance of the kind where you choose to ignore decades of research in to autism and pretty much everything ever written on the subject by autistic people, and believe that feeding your child bleach will make everything OK is like being given a torch to illuminate a path through the fog, and deciding instead to hurl it away from you at one of the shapes you can’t quite make out.

You would be forgiven for thinking that the deeper we go in to the 21st century the more we as a society would reject pseudoscience, and outright lies about health. But that’s not true. This can be seen in the resurgence of the anti-vaccine movement as well as in the desire for wilful ignorance in regards to the use of bleach on autistic children. We should be living in a time where autism and autistic people are accepted and understood, and it’s true that we are more than ever before. But it’s also clear that those levels of acceptance and understanding are nowhere near as high as they need to be. There is still far too much fear out there, and sadly, despite the best efforts of autistic people, it does not look like this is going away anytime soon. While there are still parents out there who choose to shout down the voices of autistic people who dare to suggest that autism might not be the worst thing under the sun, while at the same time choosing to buy in to a scheme that is only going to hurt, and potentially even kill their child out of fear of something they choose not to understand, then there is still work to be done. I would love to live in a world where a story of parents forcing their autistic children to drink bleach is shocking, and not just repetitive. Because that’s what makes it even more scary, the fact that we have all heard this story before, and I know for a fact we will hear it again, and more than once before 2018 is over.

You can find my new book here: http://www.jkp.com/uk/communicating-better-with-people-on-the-autism-spectrum-34251.html

If you need any help or advice abut Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

The sensory impact of a cold.

I have talked in the past about how in the days before coming down with some kind of illness I can be prone to meltdowns, almost as if I am reacting to the illness before I even know I am ill. When I say illness this can apply to anything, even a simple cold like the one I woke up with this morning. But I have not had any meltdowns for some time now, and I felt fine in the days leading up to this, but that’s not what I wanted to talk about in this blog. As I say I don’t always have a meltdown before I come down with something, but having a meltdown or being stressed-out/ grumpy with those around me can be a sign I am coming down with something. But what I noticed this time that I have not thought too much about in the past, is how much worse my sensory issues tend to get when I have a cold.

I find it so much harder to be around others (I have spent most of today in my room) and I think this has quite a bit to do with the sensory impact of a cold. Most colds don’t come with any pain (if you are unlucky you might get a headache) but they do hit your senses. Take the one I have today – no pain at all to speak of, but a blocked nose, a fuzzy feeling in my ears, and a constant strange taste in my mouth. At times I find myself getting hot and starting to sweat, and at other times my eyes start to water. I have noticed today more than ever before how stressful those things can be. It feels as if I can only spend a few minutes around other people before I have had enough, and I start to snap at them, or just have to go and be on my own again. That’s not because of how bad I feel, as I say it is only a cold, in fact if I were in pain I know that I would cope much better. I have a high pain threshold and can keep quite calm when in pain. But I think the key thing about a cold is how it hits all your senses.

It’s hard to explain, but it’s as if my body is having such a hard time processing all this extra sensory input that I hardly have any space left for any more sensory input, such as people talking to me.

I tend to find that pain is much more easy to deal with; it might be bad but it tends to stay in one place, and it’s easier to cut off from the rest of my body. Even when I have been in the worst pain of my life I have been much more able to sit and talk with people, and process what they have to say to me than I am when I have a pretty normal cold. So it’s not just a case of me feeling sorry for myself. But when all your senses are working overtime, thrown off balance and struggling to keep up with what is going on it’s hard to have any space/ability left to cope with other day to day sensory inputs. This is something I have never thought much about before, but when I talked to my Mum about it she said that she often feels the same thing. Because I am autistic I do not process sensory input in a passive way, and therefore the more inputs I have to deal with the harder my mind has to work to process them all. Processing what someone is saying to me takes a lot more active engagement for me than it would for someone who was not autistic, and when I am thrown off balance by strange sensory input (such as feeling suddenly very hot, or having a blocked nose and the strange feelings that come with that) it seems to have very little energy left to engage with, and process anything else.

You could make the argument that if you feel ill, even if it’s only with a cold, then you are going to be more irritable and less able to focus anyway, but as I say this is something I have noticed specifically in relation to colds.

As soon as my nose starts to clear, and my ears no longer feel as fuzzy I can get on with much more normal stuff again and spend time around people, but when I am fully in the grip of a cold I can barely even be around others for a few minutes before I am overloaded, and need to get away from them. I find myself much more able to keep working through pain than I am to work with a cold, and overall colds are much more disruptive to me than just about anything else. I do think there is a link between the sensory effect of a cold on the body, and my lack of ability to deal with day to day sensory issues such as people talking to me when I have one.

I wonder if any of you have noticed the same thing? Does a common cold have more of an impact on you than feeling real pain would? And if so do you think that impact is due to the sensory impact of a cold?

You can find my new book here: http://www.jkp.com/uk/communicating-better-with-people-on-the-autism-spectrum-34251.html

If you need any help or advice abut Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762