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Autism, theft and anxiety …

On Saturday I received a bank statement, and a letter from my bank telling me that their fraud department needed to get in touch with me. They wanted to check if some recent transactions had actually been carried out by me. After looking at my bank statement it became clear that the last five transactions on it were not actually mine. And in fact I had no idea where the money – which amounted to over one thousand pounds – had gone.

Crimes like this are fairly common place, and I wouldn’t normally feel the need to write a blog about something like this, but what did make me want to blog about my experience on Saturday was the fact that the actual crime itself, and any stress or anxiety caused by that, completely paled in to insignificance compared to the stress and anxiety of having to interact with people to get things sorted out. My first thought on seeing that the money was missing was not actually one of concern for what had been taken, it was a feeling of concern and frustration because I knew that even if this were resolved quickly it would still completely ruin my usual Saturday routine. This did turn out to be the case. Me and my Mum decided that the best thing to do was to walk to our local bank and raise the issue with somebody face-to-face so we got ready, and prepared to go out. My anxiety levels rose higher and higher as were getting ready, and walking to the bank. In the back of my head there was a mild anxiety about what would happen to my money, but as I say I assume such crimes happen all the time, and I was pretty confident that I would end up getting the money returned to me. There was still some mild anxiety around this as I wasn’t certain at that point. But that had nothing to do with the rising anxiety and stress. This came solely from the fact that I had no clue what I would need to do, or who I would need to interact with when I reached the bank. Would they be male or female? Young or old? Would we talk in an office? Would they ask me questions I didn’t know the answer to and put me on the spot? I had no clue. I knew that I had no choice but to go to the bank, and in a way I think that helped. There is always an option of course, but I wasn’t going to sit at home and simply let more money be withdrawn from my account. In terms of interaction within the bank it was fairly easy – my Mum did most of the talking – the only challenge being that we had to talk at the counter, and I was keenly aware of people standing behind us. We were advised on what to do and told to return home and call the fraud department immediately. There was an option to use a phone within the bank to do so, but we decided against this. Again it was public, but also I felt it would be impossible to concentrate in a busy environment such as that.

Far from being over, my anxiety levels began to rise even higher as we walked home. I should explain; I don’t speak on the phone, even with family or people I know well. And whenever there is any official business to sort out that can only be dealt with via a phone conversation I give permission for my Mum to speak on my behalf. But as I walked back from the bank I had no clue whether they would need to speak to me, perhaps simply to gain my permission to speak to my Mum, or even if they would insist on talking to me for the entire conversation. It wasn’t just the fact that I might have to speak on the phone, it was the fact that I didn’t know. I didn’t know who I would be speaking to, or what they would be asking me. In the end I did have to speak on the phone, only to answer a few basic questions and give my consent for them to speak to my Mum. This in itself was not an easy experience, but I will go in to more detail in another blog. After that phone conversation everything was resolved. They dealt with it quickly and efficiently and as I say I assume it is something they deal with every day. But the impact of the change of routine, stress and anxiety created on that day are still affecting me even now. I can’t say that it has nothing to do with the money being stolen – that would be silly – but in all honesty I think that is ten percent of the cause. The other ninety percent is to do with uncertainty, social interaction and change of routine.

This is one thing I have always found difficult about my autism; even if I myself react calmly to a situation, and I don’t feel particularly disturbed or distressed by it, there will always be something that comes along with that situation which brings anxiety and stress. I think a lot of people would find it hard to understand how little the theft of the money actually affected me. I assumed even when I saw it was gone that I would get it back, which I have. If you had seen me on Saturday you would have seen somebody who was clearly highly anxious, and no doubt you would have assumed it was due to the theft. But as I say, you would have been wrong.

If you need any more help or advice about Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

And here`s the link to our new E Book Autism & Animals – the benefits of animals for autistic people https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01GO1N1X6

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My new book and why I wrote it.

I have a new book coming out on the twenty first of this month. It is called Communicating better with People on the Autism Spectrum – 35 things you need to know. This is a pretty self-explanatory title. In the book I list 35 things that I think it is essential for autism professionals to know when they are communicating with autistic people. I wanted to talk a little bit in this blog about where the idea came from, and why I thought it was important to write.

Throughout my life I have had quite a few dealings with professionals. Some of these have been great. They have been essential even to helping me overcome problems, and get the best out of my autism. But increasingly, as I have grown older, I have become more and more frustrated when meeting with so- called autism professionals. I have been faced with a baffling lack of knowledge, concerning even the most basic aspects of autism. I have been in meetings that have run for almost three hours, and over-all been left with a feeling of frustration, disappointment and confusion at the conclusion of these meetings. As I could feel myself getting increasingly angry about these issues I decided to write something to channel that anger and frustration in a way that might be constructive, so I wrote an article for the Guardian to put out in a health and social care blog. The idea being that professionals would read this article and realise some of the things that they could do, or could avoid doing, in order to make life better for people with autism. I wrote two related articles which did well, and received several thousand shares. It also led to me being contacted by my publisher via twitter with a request to write a book that would be an expansion of the article. I was more than happy to do so because to tell the truth I had a lot more that I felt I needed to say on the subject.

When I sat down to write the book I didn’t want to write something that was merely going to criticise professionals, and tell them how bad they are at their jobs. I wanted to write something that could be read by people who are good at what they do, but who understand that as people they may not think of everything, and there is always something to learn; professionals with enough experience to know that they can’t look at things with an autistic mind, and that it is OK to take advice from someone who can. But more than this I wanted to write something that if it got in to the right hands would mean that less autistic people would be left with those feelings of anger,confusion and frustration that I experienced after some of my more unsuccessful meetings with professionals. Because that is the thing, the professional who presided over the three hour meeting for example, was not a bad person. They were newly qualified and probably didn’t understand that I had refused a break an hour in as I assumed it would be a ninety minute meeting as originally planned. Unfortunately the meeting ran over by a significant amount of time. I wasn’t offered another break and there was an incredibly noisy event going on just outside the office in which my meeting was taking place. It was one of the hottest days of the year and I wasn’t offered a drink as the meeting progressed. What makes this even worse is that my Mum had contacted them before we went and requested that I be seen by someone with a good understanding of autism. The meeting itself was shambolic. But my point is that this wasn’t due to the professional themself being vindictive or nasty, it was due to them not understanding. They made mistakes the same as any newly qualified professional would do. It is just that in this kind of job when you make a mistake it is the autistic person who ends up suffering.

So in short, I decided to write this book to help professionals and autistic people. I would like to think that even the best professional can get something from the book, and this might in some way help other autistic people in the future.

If you need any more help or advice about Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

And here`s the link to our new E Book Autism & Animals – the benefits of animals for autistic people https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01GO1N1X6

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Autism, Illness and Meltdowns:

The signs are all there – so why can`t I recognise them?

I normally have an outburst before I get ill.  It doesn’t mean I get ill every time I have an outburst, but it does mean that if ever I am coming down with something, in the days before it fully becomes apparent that I am ill, I will have some kind of meltdown or outburst, or at the very least be snappy, and even more short tempered.

I find it hard to recognise when I am feeling ill.  And so where a lot of people would say that they are not feeling too great and perhaps adjust what they were doing to suit that, I just carry on as normal and my negative feelings come out in other ways.  It might seem strange; how can you not know if you are feeling ill?  But what you have to understand is that with autism comes stress and anxiety, and with stress and anxiety come physical traits that can be similar to being ill: stomach pains, headaches, and tightness of the chest, nausea and dizziness.  These are all common, sometimes daily, occurrences for me and other people who have high anxiety levels.  So how am I supposed to know when they grow worse that this is actually down to me becoming ill?  I also, as I have discussed before, have a high pain threshold.  This has a lot of bonuses of course, but also means that things like infections can take hold and become serious before I even notice I`ve got them.  It is not uncommon for me to be ill for several days before I actually realise it.  And in those days I tend to have an outburst (meltdown) This happened again recently.  I had an outburst and was short tempered for the next couple of days, and then I became ill.  The same old pattern.

But it raises questions.  The biggest and most obvious of which is `if it is the same old pattern and it has been going on for years, why can`t I spot it?  The honest answer is I don`t know.  I think it is a combination of things.  As I`ve said before, symptoms get lost.  I don`t feel pain the same way other people do.  But also I think I get so caught up in the short term impact; if I am feeling ill then things such as noise, or other sensory stuff will affect me much more than they normally do.  So I need to deal with this.  In the moment I can`t stop and think `why can I not handle so much talking? ` I just need whoever is talking to shut up so that is what I tell them to do.  My Mum tends to react to that, but I still need her not to talk so I tell her again, and things escalate from there generally.  We can both see this perfectly when we look back at it, but in the moment neither of us seems to be aware.  It is something that we both need to work on.  But I am sure you can see how difficult it is trying to spot illness in somebody or even in yourself, by how they/you speak or react to things – days before any symptom of the actual illness become apparent.

Have any of you ever experienced anything like this?  And if not how does illness impact on you, if you are autistic?

If you need any more help or advice about Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

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And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

And here`s the link to our new E Book Autism & Animals – the benefits of animals for autistic people https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01GO1N1X6

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Overloads, Meltdowns, and a missed Appointment ….

I have spoken a lot in the past about how overload can affect people with autism, including myself.  And how important rest days are.  But I have to admit, even though I understand in principle how to avoid feeling overloaded, or what I need to do when I am in a state of overload, it has been very hard for me over the past few weeks to put these in to practise.  Even just looking at the past week as an example, I feel like I have been in a near-constant state of overload.  I have been walking from room to room unable to do anything, simply lacking the focus and motivation to even sit down and watch a film.  I have had an outburst, brought on by this stress.  Because it is stressful.  Imagine being imprisoned in your own home.  But one of the terms of your imprisonment is that you can`t use anything in your own house.  You are surrounded by the things you like, the things you enjoy doing, and yet you can`t do any of them.  The hours must be spent instead doing, well, doing what?  Sitting?  Standing?  Walking from room to room?  Going upstairs, looking round and coming back down?  And so on, for hours or even days upon end.  You can`t go to bed and sleep through it because your mind is far too active to sleep.

So what brought this on?  The roots of this overload, and the stress and outbursts that came as a result of it, come from going out at the weekend.   Not going out clubbing, just going in to town the same as anybody else would.  Not something I would normally do, but still not something I thought would result in eight days of overload.  Now that may be a bit of a simplistic way of phrasing it.  The past year has been full of stressful events that have of course left a mark, and I did go out again on the Wednesday for something relating to work.  But I guess that`s the thing; it`s hard to tell recently where one overload stops and the next one starts.  It seems that instead of having an overload every now and then and most days being spent working on my writing, or getting on with whatever I choose to, I am overloaded most days and the days that I can actually work, or function at all, are the rare days.  But it is getting to a point where I feel my overloads are starting to incur in to my life more than they ever have before.  Let`s take yesterday as an example.  What I was supposed to do was to travel to my university via tram and talk with one of my lecturers about help and support for my upcoming second year at university.  I got half way to the tram stop before I had to turn around and come back home.  I knew that I was too overloaded to be able to function properly or contribute anything useful to this meeting.  All that would result from it was yet more sensory overload, and in all likelihood another outburst.  In a way it is positive that I was able to recognise that there was nothing to gain from forcing myself to go to something I was too overloaded for.  And I certainly wouldn’t be getting any work done today if I had of forced myself to go to the meeting yesterday.

You might have noticed that this isn’t a blog full of tips of how to get out of a situation like this.  If I had them I would be using them and there would be no blog to begin with.  I am unsure whether this is a positive or a negative blog.  On one hand I am telling you that I am finding it hard to function, to get things done and that I am near-constantly overloaded, but on the other hadn`t I was able to recognise the overload yesterday, minimise its effects for the coming week, and avert a probable outburst.  It may well be that what I have to do is change the way I think and the way I structure my time., the commitments I take on and the pressures I put on myself.  As I have said before, many times on my blog, there is no point in forcing yourself to work, or to try to get more out of yourself once you are overloaded.  Perhaps what I need to do is pull back even more than I already have, let myself rest, and build up again slowly.  And the note that I would like to end on is that this is ok.  Overload is a very real thing, and if you have not experienced one then I don`t think you can ever really understand how it feels.  Add to that the issue of delayed overloads, and you can see how difficult it is for me to even go out once or twice, and the impact that this can have on me.  I feel like I need to change the way I do things, and try to understand the impact of my overloads more than I already do.  And even though the reasons for me having to do so are negative, the impact of doing so on my future will hopefully be positive.

If you need any more help or advice about Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

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And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

And here`s the link to our new E Book Autism & Animals – the benefits of animals for autistic people https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01GO1N1X6

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“You don’t look autistic …” And why Autistic People hate hearing this so much.

If you spend any amount of time on the online autism community then I am sure you will know how much people with autism hate being told they don’t look autistic. But what you might not know is just why saying this is so offensive to many autistic people, and to the parents of autistic children.

Let’s have a look at all the steps that go in to making this one of the worst things you can say to someone with autism.

  • It assumes autism has a look: Kind of the most obvious point; by saying someone does not look like they have autism you are stating that some people do look like they have autism. Therefore, in turn saying that you can spot autism just by looking at someone.
  • Dividing people: But even though you are implying autism has a look, and is something that can be spotted at a glance, you don’t think the person you are talking to looks autistic. So they can’t be autistic in the same way as those other autistics, not like the ones who look You might not mean this, but that is what it sounds like.
  • Normal:  When people say “You don’t look autistic” they most often mean it as a good thing. The idea being that they are telling you that you look normal, so to speak. But think about this – they are saying that because you don’t look like you have autism you look like someone without autism, someone in their eyes who is normal. But you still have autism. So they are pretty much saying “Wow you look so normal, for someone who is not normal.”
  • Better/less: If you are told you do not look autistic, and you understand that someone is trying to compliment you by saying this, think about what that compliment means.  As I said it means they think you look “Normal”. As if you were `less autistic` than someone else. Now what this does is firstly to play down how your autism might impact on you, but also to put a whole mass of unknown autistic people below you in their eyes.  As if you look normal, you pass for not being autistic, and somehow that makes you better than people who they can tell do have autism.
  • Identity: Some people like the idea of being able to hide their autism from the outside world.  And yes I can see how it might help, in terms of getting a job and such, but at the same time there are other people who see their autism as integral to what makes them who they are.  To be told that they don’t look autistic can be very upsetting for that reason alone.

 

So those are a few of the things that I think can be taken from the statement “You don’t look autistic.”  Am I being over-the-top, and reading too much in to it?  Well, No.  Autism does not have a look.  You can’t tell just from seeing someone if they are autistic or not. So to say to them “You don’t look autistic.” is at best silly.  And at worse offensive.  If you have said it at any point don’t worry, this is not meant to call you out, and make you feel bad.  It’s just meant to make you think a bit more about what you say.  We all say silly things from time to time, but the key thing is to listen to people when they explain why said things are offensive or rude, and to learn.  Next time, when someone tells you they are autistic just think for a second before you answer them, and try to avoid giving offence.

If you need any more help or advice about Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

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And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

And here`s the link to our new E Book Autism & Animals – the benefits of animals for autistic people https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01GO1N1X6

 

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Managing Sensory Overload …

I have spoken before on my blog about rest days, and about how sometimes they have to be taken even when I would much rather be productive.  But often I will only have rest days when I reach a point where they are absolutely necessary, after I have become overloaded.  Even though this might help to reverse the overload it means that I don’t have a great deal of control over when I rest, and when I am productive.  So what I have been trying this week is resting the day before I know I have something to do, such as going out, in order to ensure I have enough energy to complete the activities.  Even though I like to plan I have never been very good at planning in a way to ensure I was resting, and would have enough energy to do everything I want to do over the course of a week.  I might push myself too far on a Friday, even when I began to feel tired, and therefore not have enough energy to go out on a Saturday.

This week I had planned to go out on Thursday to visit family.  I knew that to get there I would need to use public transport, and it might be a relatively busy and noisy environment when I did arrive.  To ensure that I had the energy to go and accomplish this I had Wednesday as a rest day.  As strange as it sounds it was difficult to rest as I felt I should be doing something more productive and useful.  And yet the next day I could feel the benefits.  I felt much more able to go out and do what I needed to do than I would have done if I`d pushed myself on the Wednesday.

I needed to walk to a tram stop, travel on public transport and be in a really busy, noisy environment; interacting with people socially for an hour and a half before getting the tram, then walking back home.  And while I did feel overloaded after this I know that if I had woken up on Thursday feeling overloaded there is no way I would have been able to get up and go out, or even attempt doing this journey.

So even though it was difficult having a rest day on the Wednesday I feel that it was worth it.  When you enjoy working, then it can be hard taking the time out that you need to rest, especially if it is rest as a preventative measure.

But one thing that I am learning and understanding more and more as I grow older is my limits, and what I need to do to ensure that I stay within those.  The reality is I can’t push myself to the point of overload every day, and not suffer badly from it.  When I had to get up each day and go out to college or university, traveling on public transport and interacting with people for hours, I barely had the energy to do anything else.  Even activities such as reading and watching films felt hard for me.  And I need to remind myself at times that this isn’t because I am lazy.  It is because I am autistic, and when I become overloaded it means that I have pushed myself too far.  I am productive; I have a book coming out later this year, and I have edited and helped my Mum to publish her book earlier this month https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01GO1N1X6

But there will be days when I simply sit around and do nothing.  There might be more of these than there are for most people, and as strange as it might sound I think that is one of the hardest things about being autistic for me.  I can`t work twelve hours a day, five days a week.  My mind literally starts to shut down, and I do mean literally.  It is as if a great fog closes in over my brain once I become overloaded.  I find it hard to form coherent thoughts.  I speak much less, my memory is severely affected, and I find it hard to hold a thought in my head for too long, or remember things.   Physically my body begins to feel stiffer; it aches, and I feel as if I have just done an incredibly difficult workout.  Basically when I am overloaded I am the last person you would want doing any kind of job for you.  It seems bizarre, but taking time off enables me to be more productive, and to do better work.  But if anything, I am the one who needs the most convincing of this …..

If you need any more help or advice about Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

And here`s the link to our new E Book Autism & Animals – the benefits of animals for autistic people https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01GO1N1X6

 

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My Discovery of Autistic Pride Day

Apparently on Saturday it was Autistic Pride day.  I have to admit I had no idea about this, and only realised it existed due to the tweets I was reading on Saturday afternoon.  This is why I am only posting about it once, and late.

Of course never having heard of it, when I started seeing people tweet about it, I wanted to find out more.  What is the idea of the day?  Why is there such a thing as Autistic Pride?  And might it be something I am interested in the nest time it comes around?

From what I can understand the notion of Autistic Pride day, or at least the way people choose to use it, is almost to counteract the effect of Autism Awareness month.  Not to imply that in itself is a terrible thing, or that all of the content put out during that month is bad.  But what you do find is that there tends to be a lot of conflict; some people want to `Light it up Blue` for example, while others are opposed to this, and there are stunts such as people locking themselves in glass boxes that are supposed to help autistic people. Overall, despite the idea of raising awareness of autism, it can be a conflicting and difficult month for anyone in the autism community, especially autistic people.  A lot of the tweets that I saw hash tagged with Autistic Pride day stated very clearly that this was not a day to raise awareness for autism.  It was not a day to raise money, or to push some cause, and it was also not a day for charities or carers or family members.  It was a day for autistic people simply to acknowledge each other, and take some level of pride in being themselves.

A lot of the tweets I saw made this pretty clear.  And there did seem to be a sense, especially with some of the younger autistic people who were tweeting, that it was a relief just to have a day where autistic people could actually take centre stage in the autistic community.  Now as I say, I don`t know a huge amount about Autistic Pride day, and what I have written above is just what I understood from the tweets that I saw.  But for me I like the notion of having a day that isn’t about awareness, that isn’t about how autism can impact on other people, and that isn’t even about a singular aspect of being autistic.  But is rather just a chance for autistic people to feel in some way part of a community of people similar to themselves.

So why would there be Autistic Pride?  Well this is just my personal view, and it will be completely different for other people.  I am not proud of the fact that I am autistic, but I am not ashamed of it either.  It is not something I had any control over so it is not an achievement on my part.  But for me, I feel that there is certainly an idea among neuro-typical people that if you are autistic, and you achieve something you have done that despite your autism, or by overcoming your autism along the way; as if I can be proud of who I am, and what I have achieved, but not that particular aspect of myself.  But I don`t see my autism as separate from who I am.  If I achieve something, for example I publish a book, then I am proud of that.  I am not proud of myself for `over-coming my autism` and publishing a book.  For me, and again this is just a personal opinion, the  notion of autistic pride is about saying that I can be proud of myself for doing things, or be proud of who I am as a whole, without discounting a huge aspect of myself, and what makes Me, Me.  If I am proud of who I am, and autism is integral to who I am, then in a way then yes, I suppose I am proud to be autistic.  And I think the notion of Autistic Pride could go some way to dispelling the myth that autism is a negative, destructive force, or a shameful part of us.

So is this something that would interest me in the future?  I don`t know if Autistic Pride day is an official event, or if it was just a hashtag started on Twitter so I have no idea if there will be another or not.  But yes it is something that I would have an interest in.  It is important to make sure that something like this doesn’t become corrupted, and end up being used by the wrong people for the wrong means – in the vein of Autism Awareness month and campaigns such as `Light it up Blue`  https://askpergers.wordpress.com/2016/04/02/light-it-up-blue-but-for-who/  The idea should always mean being guided by what autistic people want, and not by what non- autistic people feel is best, or appropriate.

For me it was nice to be able to go on to Twitter, and see people just saying that they are proud of who they are, and including autism in that.  This of course is something that you can do all year round, and you should do, but it would be nice to continue to have at least one day that is just about autistic people, and not the wider autism community.

If you need any more help or advice about Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

And here`s the link to our new E Book Autism & Animals – the benefits of animals for autistic people https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01GO1N1X6

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Autism & Animals Book – and why writing such a positive book has been so hard for me …

Today, June 16th ASK-PERGERS? new book, Autism & Animals – the benefits of animals for autistic people, will be published as an E Book.  We are looking forward to the book being published and hoping that lots of people read it, and enjoy it.  The book takes a positive look at the relationships that often form between autistic people and animals, and the benefits this can have on things such as confidence and self-esteem, understanding and expressing emotions, and on our general sense of well-being.

The process has been quite stressful, partly because although we have two books published already, and Paddy-Joe has a book coming out very soon of his own, all of these have been published through a professional publisher, and so the Autism and Animals book is our first attempt at self-publishing, and it wasn`t as straight-forward as we`d hoped!  In fact we have really struggled to get printed copies, and have settled for the electronic version for now to prevent further delay in publishing.

However, these difficulties are not what has made the writing and publishing of this positive book so hard, and so stressful for me.  I don`t want to go in to too much detail, but the past year or so has been the absolute worse time of my life.  Both Paddy-Joe and I have been through some really horrendous experiences – the death of one family member who we loved more than it is possible to say, the near death of a close and equally loved family member, who remains on palliative care.  An investigation in to the death (I can`t say any more about that) and another family issue that has been extremely stressful to the point of making my son and myself very ill.  All of the above has meant time away from my autistic son for me, and a complete disruption to his routine.  This, along with anxiety and grief have caused him to have increasingly explosive meltdowns on most days.  I really can`t describe how scary they have been for both of us, leaving us with chest pains, dizziness, and an extremely low mood.   There has been more, so much more, too much to write here, and too personal for social media.  We are both exhausted, and completely burned out.  For over a year now I have felt unable to work on ASK-PERGERS? and have left most of the work up to Paddy-Joe.  I am trying to rectify this, but still most days my depression is such that I am unable to interact, even on social media.   My son isn`t feeling much better, but he has done his best to continue with our autism information and advice service through Facebook and Twitter.

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So why did we press-on with completing the Autism & Animals book (which I came so close to scrapping so many times)?  It is partly because we didn’t want to let anyone down.  Lots of individuals and families contributed their stories and experiences to the book.  We had already started writing the book before our lives were turned upside down, and we had to keep postponing completion of the book, and then postpone publishing due to our personal circumstances, and the way we were feeling.  However, my son encouraged me to continue with the book, and we worked together on it as often as possible.  With weeks on end spent at the hospital, often awake all night and all the following day, no proper food or rest it was extremely difficult.  And when I was at home with my son he was so agitated by everything that has happened and so overwhelmed that the meltdowns were (are!) coming thick and fast, and each one completely wiped us out.  However, my son kept reminding me that we had made a commitment to the people who had contributed to the book, and they were all so kind and patient, that we pushed on, and finally the book was ready to be published! We also wanted to publish while our dogs – Fred and Poppy, the inspirations behind the book – are still with us as they are quite old now, and have a few health problems.

Our lives remain extremely difficult at the moment, although not as chaotic and distressing as they have been over the past year and a half.  We are trying to get back to some sort of normality, but this is hard as many of the issues are still on-going.

I am so glad we didn`t give up, and now have a lovely book to share with you all J

The book is dedicated to my parents, and published on June 16th as it would have been their 63rd wedding anniversary, if they were both still here to celebrate.

The book is a testament to the loyalty, intuition and strength of animals.  And shows just how beneficial they can be for some autistic people.

And here`s the link for anyone who may be interested J

The book is called Autism & Animals – the benefits of animals for autistic people – and is priced at £4.99.  And I can`t believe it is finished at last!!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01GO1N1X6

Jane Donlan x

If you need any more help or advice about Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

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And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

 

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Autism & Animals Meltdowns, Dogs and Me!

Like a lot of autistic people I have always struggled with meltdowns.  Ever since I was a very young child if I grow overloaded, or become too stressed, I can have a meltdown and shout, lash out, or break things.  Even though some aspects of these are less severe now than when I was younger, meltdowns are something I have struggled with my entire life.  There is very little that can help me to calm down, or relax when I am in the middle of such an outburst.  Or even make me feel better immediately after having one.  Possibly the only thing that can is having contact with my dogs.  My oldest dog Fred is nearly sixteen, and I am twenty-one, so for the majority of the time I have been having outbursts Fred has been there.

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I can`t remember how I first found out that Fred helped to calm me down.  But I know that after a while I started going to him after I had a meltdown, just to lie down with him, or stroke him, and that this would bring me a sense of comfort.  Even though Fred doesn’t always like being picked up, or stroked he always seems happy to spend time with me after I have had a meltdown.  And when I was younger just being able to spend that time with him would help me to relax, and calm me down.  I would walk round holding him and gradually become less and less stressed as I did so.  Even now as an adult the same is true.  Nothing calms me down quicker than being able to spend some time with the dogs.  I know this is something that is true for a lot of other autistic people, and even some people without autism.  Animals can just be a calming influence overall.  And if you are somebody like me who feels stressed and anxious every single day, and always has done, then having such a calming influence, that is also part of the family, is a huge help.

My dogs Fred and Poppy are the inspiration behind ASK-PERGERS?  new book Autism & Animals – the benefits of animals for autistic people, available for pre-order now J

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01GO1N1X6

If you need any more help or advice about Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762

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Autism, Overload and Bad Advice.

It is very common for people with autism to become overloaded, whether this is a sensory overload, an emotional overload, or a mixture of the two. Depending on what a person is doing in their life this may happen to them every few months, or every day.  Once someone has become overloaded it can become impossible for them to do even the most basic of tasks.

An overload will bring on both physical and mental fatigue.  This means that however much the person might want to be getting up and getting on with things, they lack the energy, or the capability to perform tasks that normally they might not even think twice about. There is one piece of advice that many people who are experiencing an overload are given by well-meaning people who genuinely believe that this advice will help – and that advice is to do more; to get out more, or to start new activities.  So what is the problem with this you might ask?  Stimulating the brain can often be helpful in replenishing peoples` energy supplies, but the problem is this; if you don`t even have the energy to do the things you want to do, then how are you meant to find the energy to do things that would be hard for you anyway, such as leaving the house to go outside.  Or doing some kind of new social activity.  The answer is that you probably won’t be able to find that energy because it quite simply isn’t there.  I completely understand that for non-autistic people a low mood can be cured by getting out and about, or trying something different.  But an autistic overload is not the same thing as a low mood.  It is like being in a video game and having a low energy bar.  If you go on to try to complete some task with almost no energy you are going to fail.  What you need to do is have a more tactical approach; plan a way of getting your energy up. Take the time to reset and relax and give your mind a break.  Cut out unnecessary sensory input, and build up to being able to do the things you would normally do.  Then if you are able to do those things you might think about expanding, and trying to get out more and do more.  But if you don`t have the energy to do more than go from one room of your house to the other all day, and even the idea of going upstairs and shaving or showering is something you have to build up to over hours or even days, then going out and doing something that even when you weren’t overloaded would be incredibly difficult, is not really a sensible way to make the situation any better.

I do enjoy going out and doing things, getting out of the house and having new experiences. But doing so always leaves me feeling overwhelmed and overloaded.  So I have to be in a good frame of mind and a good place to actually be able to attempt those things in the first place.  There is a saying that I have never really understood, and that is to fight fire with fire.  I am sure I don`t need to explain to anybody reading this how stupid that phrase is.  If you throw fire on a fire you end up with a bigger fire.  If you throw water on it you put the fire out (depending on the type of fire).  It might take a while, and it might be a hard task, but you get a result.  If you are overloaded do things that you know will calm you down and relax you.  It might be that going out to some places, perhaps to walk in the park or to the cinema at a quiet time of day does relax you.  In which case go for it and do whatever works for you.  My point is, don’t be surprised if most neuro-typical peoples` response to you feeling overloaded is that you need to get out of the house more, or you need to be doing more things.   It is not that the people who suggest this are stupid; this probably works for them, or their non-autistic friends because they don`t experience overloads in the same way that you or I might.  Sometimes an overload can appear to be the same as a low mood, or a lack of motivation.   But it is not that.  When I am overloaded I don’t need a motivational speech, or a meme telling me I can do anything I set my mind to.  I need to give my brain a break.  It is important to listen to the advice of those around you when you are in a difficult position, and to consider it.  But just remember, you don’t actually have to take it. You need to listen to what your body and mind are telling you, and do whatever you feel is best to make yourself feel better.

If you need any more help or advice about Asperger`s/Autism or simply want to talk about it check out our free help and advice service ASK-PERGERS?

Twitter https://twitter.com/ASKPERGERS

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ASKPERGERS?ref=hl

And have a look at our books (at the time published under pseudonyms, but we did write them trust us on that!)  http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/author/1762